My name is Connor Curley, and I am an Intentional Imagineer.I find myself too often in solidarity with Saint Paul when he says "For that which I work, I understand not. For I do not that good which I will; but the evil which I hate, that I do (Romans, 7:15)." It seems non-sense-ical, but my heart and will find themselves turning towards and being captured by things I hate, or things I simply do not want to do.
If you are anything like me (or most of humanity), you too probably know the feeling. This passivity towards our own lives, being silent and still while our hearts simply "fall" into a life we do not intend to lead: it makes us weak, perpetuates itself as we harp on our own faults and wonder why things always "happen to me". How do we take control of our lives? Intentionality.
I am a pilgrim, on a path to find myself and meaning in this life. I did not ask to be born: I was incapable of wanting it. By the grace of God I have been called forth from my Mother's womb (to whom I owe an eternal debt), and by His grace I discern a path. I do not seek to remain passive and let the world and my own emotions dictate what I can and can not do. I do not want to sit and watch every episode of Studio C on YouTube, and then wonder why and bemoan the fact that my job is causing me to put on some jiggling weight: I want to work out, and be both mentally and physically present and up to my work. I do not want to put off opportunities to socialize with fellow men, and then wonder why I feel lonely and emasculated: I want to seek out opportunities for solidarity, and find legitimacy in my humanity. I do not want to be distracted by the cares of life and not spend time with those I love and care about, then wonder why it has been so long since I have had a meaningful connection with my Fiance and my God: I want to be mentally present with and for them, to have them share my life and not simply be in it. This is what I mean by Intentional: seeing myself as a mover and cultivator in my own life, striving after these things which I desire (though knowing that I will at times fail).
So much for my Intentionality. How am I an Imagineer?
How many of us (men or women) are leading the lives today that they dreamt about when they were children? I sure am not. I envisioned myself with a coonskin cap, cut down by ruthless swords as I swung my rifle left and right in a last, desperate attempt to save the fortress from the enemy. The job I work every day could not be farther from this image: but who I am, the man I saw myself as, he is still alive and is forever growing.
To be Intentional about one's own life pre-supposes actually knowing what you want in the first place. What do I want? I may not (and probably won't) ever have the ideal situation with every physical thing I would like to have in this world. What I will have is my imagination. You have to "dream things out: you set it out in your mind before you, and then you go about making it like you see it in your mind. If you want a garden, well, I guess you'll just have to dream a garden! (an attempt to quote the book Lantern in her Hand)". And boy, can I dream! I dream of slaying dragons, becoming a Mountaineer and wearing a bear hide, of being a true Pioneer. I slay my dragons every day: I am, in every sense of the word, an Imaginer.
Now, the subtlety I will point out as a final point is that to be an Imaginer is different from being an Imagineer: the former though indeed powerful is only a response to the reality which is perceived, while the latter is an imagination formed and conducted by a will, not subject to perception and passive sensory intake. He almost literally "engineers" and shapes what he imagines-he is Intentional. This is what it means to be an Imagineer. This is who I am, and who I want to be.
